To tell you the truth I haven't missed the internet much, its been a little vacation for me. No withdrawals or anything.
Another thing is that my X-husband came to town and we had a little argument about wether or not he should borrow money form his daughter or now seeing that he hasn't paid child support in 10 yrs. But I'll won't get into that either, its just too upsetting to me, him coming to town with no money and eating all of the food that my daughter paid for. As far as I am concerned he should of came down to take his kids out to dinner and spent more time with them outside of the apartment. I did let him know what I think of him and it helped with releasing stress but he probably didn't acknowledge it, or comprehend anything I said. I shouldn't infer with her affairs but I was burning up inside.
Sometimes I wonder about if she has any respect for me, when she says that she doesn't know how to say no to him and yet she kicks me out of her house. But we cleared that up yesterday when she stated that I was her hero...sounds like a joke just because of the position I am in financially.
I know that I haven't blog in 4 days but me and my X- husband don't get along very well so I've been avoiding going over to my daughters house because thats where he is at.
I spent the whole day yesterday with my boyfriend Ted, the weather was shitty outside, and talk about being cold. The wind was icy out and I could hardly stand to even go outside to smoke a cig.
I wrote down my feelings onto paper so that I know what to blog about and this is what I wrote.
Lost but never found
empty with a strange surroundings
once, feeling comfortable and now realizing that the surroundings are not even mine
no money to get a place of my own, will I even see my pictures hanging on the walls, my furniture to sit on, the photos of memories, my dishes and bed.
I feel completely lost
Where am I, who am I
where do I really belong?
want or maybe needing to go
I write down my feeling on paper
like a simple pray
maybe God will hear me
to other they never care
its not my life they have to share
but to me it releases stress
makes it easier to deal with my mess
So, I continue to write
I read other pages and I am so emotional
I feel weak, empty with no power
Life is strange
I guess I have to make do with where I am at
Anywho, hope very thing is well with all of you and I have to say I missed all of you.
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