What a day yesterday was

I had a bad day yesterday towards the end. First part of the day I went to a baby shower that was my daughter's friends and also she lived with us for a short while on- and off, when she'd run away. She's only got 6 weeks until delivery, and she is 18yrs old. The party was held at her mother work place, which was the bar, in the back room. It turned out pretty good and the games we played were fun, she also received a lot of gifts, so she made out pretty good.

Later on, towards the end of the day, I ended up taking to many soma (Muscle relaxants) and I was totally bomb. My boyfriend wasn't to happy with me, but he put up with me. I know what happened, I intended to get a little bomb (not as much as I did). because we were in a bar scene, and I had the desire to drink, seeing that I am an alcoholic in recovery. But...whats the diff? I might as well of drank, right? I am an addict, I admit !!!

I wrote while I was looped in my book and here is just some of the things I wrote;

I want to sober up, be normal, just relaxed, but I am dizzy and confused. I am angry with myself, shakier and I am seeing double vision. I wish it would just go away, I didn't intend to get this buzzed. I like Soma, but it seems that it doesn't work until I become confused. Remember my blog about reality? Sometimes being confused is easier then the real world, its what addicts like best. They don't really want to face responsibilities, they'd rather lived in a world of confusion. I've learned my lesson, but will I quit completely? I keep telling myself, "it won't happen again".
ugliest inside and cry, no place to run, so negative. I think its the drugs. Pain is a terrible thing to face, you try so desperately to stop it before it begins and then become doped up. Throughout the night I wake up, spasms, cramping, burning, there's no end. I have an obligation to myself that is so difficult to do, tomorrow is another day, I'll take one day at a time.

I repeated myself in my diary, but that's what happens when your doped up...like I say, "One day at a time" and today is a brand new day...the beginning !!!





My other blogs;
1. Across this bridge
2. Marketing myself
3. Struggling parents
4. When life become a book
5. Read Between the Lines
6. Internet Lifestyle
7. The Sleeping Turtle Art Gallery

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