Blogger Widgets When My Life Becomes a Book: Shame is...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Shame is...

I wrote this poem this morning, I have also tried to define the word "Shame".

"A failure at my own game"

A failure at my own game.
I have put myself to shame.
Each day I rise, everyday I realize,
what is this world going to be like?
will it be another fight?
gasping the thought of the being of the day to be positive,
until the end of the day became negative.
slowly the sun drops down,
the desire to addiction grabs a hold of me
spins me around, so I am not able to see.
The morning comes
and just as the rising sun
you've realized your a failure
putting another day to shame,
wondering if this day today will be the same.

Shame is something we all have, whether it be locked up within, so deep, that you are in denial, or haunts you to the end. This is a poem I wrote just this morning.

Shame is the consciousness or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. False shame is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to him upon himself".
Shame is also avoided in the "real" world as well. In fact, most of us feel shame about feeling shame. As a result shame is rarely acknowledged to others, or even to oneself.


Shame manifests itself physically in a wide variety of forms. The person may hide their eyes; lower their gaze; blush; bite their lips or tongue; present a forced smile; or fidget. Other responses may include annoyance, defensiveness, exaggeration or denial. Because the affect of shame often interferes with our ability to think, the individual may experience confusion, being at a loss for words, or a completely blank mind.

Shame is often experienced as the inner, critical voice that judges whatever we do as wrong, inferior, or worthless. Often this inner critical voice is repeating what was said to us by our parents, relatives, teachers and peers. We may have been told that we were naughty, selfish, ugly, stupid, etc. We may have been ostracized by peers at school, humiliated by teachers, treated with contempt by our parents. Paradoxically, shame may be caused by others expecting too much of us, evoking criticism when our performance is less than perfect. Some authority figures are never satisfied with one's efforts or performance, they are critical no matter what. Unfortunately, these criticisms become internalized, so that it is our own inner critical voice that is meting out the shaming messages, such as: "You idiot, why did you do that?," "Can't you do anything right?,"or " You should be ashamed of yourself," etc.

Clearly these shaming inner voices can do considerable damage to our self esteem. These self criticisms, that we are stupid, selfish, a show-off, etc., become, in varying degrees, how we see ourselves. For some of us, the inner critical judge is continuously providing a negative evaluation of what we are doing, moment-by-moment. As mentioned before, the inner critic may make it impossible for one to do anything right, telling you that you are too aggressive, or not aggressive enough, that you're too selfish, or that you let people walk all over you.

Definitions of the word "Shame";
1.the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.
2.susceptibility to this feeling: to be without shame.
3.disgrace; ignominy: His actions brought shame upon his parents.
4.a fact or circumstance bringing disgrace or regret: The bankruptcy of the business was a shame. It was a shame you couldn't come with us.
–verb (used with object) cause to feel shame; make ashamed: His cowardice shamed him. drive, force, etc., through shame: He shamed her into going. cover with ignominy or reproach; disgrace.
8.for shame! you should feel ashamed!: What a thing to say to your mother! For shame!
9.put to shame, cause to suffer shame or disgrace. outdo; surpass: She played so well she put all the other tennis players to shame.

My other blogs;
1. Across this bridge
2. Marketing myself
3. Struggling parents
4. When life become a book
5. Read Between the Lines
6. Internet Lifestyle
7. The Sleeping Turtle Art Gallery


chilly said...

Love reading your writings!
I wouldn't call yourself a failure. Just look at the gift you have with writing! And how about the friends you've made. The beautiful kids you have. A man that loves you from what I see in the photos you've posted of the two of you.
Smile Terry!!! Your an awesome person!! :)
(((((HUGS))))) !!!!

Struggling Parents said...

Thank you Chilly, your a sweet heart !!! (((HUGS)))

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