What gives a human soul the thought to self destruct? the desire to feel pain inflicted onto them. Most of time I feel numb, I just want to feel something, whether it be love, anger, destruction or pain. And then I choose to stay numb, by using anything to not feel anything. I wonder how about I began to become the way that I am. Was it my childhood lifestyle, my past relationships? maybe Karma if anyone believes in that.
I've become my own worse emeney, cutting, straving, and self pity, I grovel, and scream and cry. No I don't think the world owes me anything, I just feel the way I do because my emotions take over. It isn't me, its someone else, its a "I dont feel, or want to feel anything, so just leave me be". I want to leave this life of mine, but I wouldn't do it by drowning, I have a fear of drowning, or maybe I should and face my fear. I want to sleep and never wake up, cut myself and watch me bleed. I am not one to faint of the site of blood, I am a retired Nurse. I ask myself what there is left in this life of mine, and I have not come up with any answers, so I just cut, take pills, and cry...
2 comments:
Hi Terry!
Those pictures are painful to see, makes me sad, makes me hurt, hard to look at! And no I don't feel sorry for you because I know you wouldn't want that because I know how you feel because I feel it every day, every hour. Just wish you can stop doing it.
Hello
I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs. I have seen a photograph of yours that I find beautiful and would like to request permission to include it in this book. If you think this is something you might be interested in please send me an email at hannah@wefeelfine.org and I will send along more details about the project. Hope to talk to you soon!
Sincerely,
Hannah
Hannah@wefeelfine.org
Note: In order to locate your image later it would be much appreciated if you would include a link to this blog in your response. Thanks again!!
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