A poem

I wrote this awhile ago, sometime early last year,
so this is a repost. hope you enjoy the poem,
I know its depressing, things are going a
lot better than they were then...
Have a good rest of the week.

This is a picture taken by me, and it is me.
I altered it through Corel Draw program.
I don't have the program anymore,
I wish I did, it was a lot of fun.

"A failure at my own game"

A failure at my own game.
I have put myself to shame.
Each day I rise, everyday I realize,
what is this world going to be like?
will it be another fight?
gasping the thought of the being of the day to be positive,
until the end of the day became negative.
slowly the sun drops down,
the desire to addiction grabs a hold of me
spins me around, so I am not able to see.
The morning comes
and just as the rising sun
you've realized your a failure
putting another day to shame,
wondering if this day today will be the same.

Shame is something we all have, whether it be locked up within, so deep, that you are in denial, or haunts you to the end. This is a poem I wrote just this morning.

Shame is the consciousness or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. False shame is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to him upon himself".
Shame is also avoided in the "real" world as well. In fact, most of us feel shame about feeling shame. As a result shame is rarely acknowledged to others, or even to oneself.

alienated inadequate helpless powerless defenseless weak insecure uncertain shy ineffectual inferior flawed exposed

unworthy hurt intimidated defeated. rejected dumped rebuffed stupid bizarre odd peculiar different

Shame manifests itself physically in a wide variety of forms. The person may hide their eyes; lower their gaze; blush; bite their lips or tongue; present a forced smile; or fidget. Other responses may include annoyance, defensiveness, exaggeration or denial. Because the affect of shame often interferes with our ability to think, the individual may experience confusion, being at a loss for words, or a completely blank mind.

Shame is often experienced as the inner, critical voice that judges whatever we do as wrong, inferior, or worthless. Often this inner critical voice is repeating what was said to us by our parents, relatives, teachers and peers. We may have been told that we were naughty, selfish, ugly, stupid, etc. We may have been ostracized by peers at school, humiliated by teachers, treated with contempt by our parents. Paradoxically, shame may be caused by others expecting too much of us, evoking criticism when our performance is less than perfect. Some authority figures are never satisfied with one's efforts or performance, they are critical no matter what. Unfortunately, these criticisms become internalized, so that it is our own inner critical voice that is meting out the shaming messages, such as: "You idiot, why did you do that?," "Can't you do anything right?,"or " You should be ashamed of yourself," etc.

Clearly these shaming inner voices can do considerable damage to our self esteem. These self criticisms, that we are stupid, selfish, a show-off, etc., become, in varying degrees, how we see ourselves. For some of us, the inner critical judge is continuously providing a negative evaluation of what we are doing, moment-by-moment. As mentioned before, the inner critic may make it impossible for one to do anything right, telling you that you are too aggressive, or not aggressive enough, that you're too selfish, or that you let people walk all over you.

Definitions of the word "Shame";

1.	the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.

2.	susceptibility to this feeling: to be without shame.

3.	disgrace; ignominy: His actions brought shame upon his parents.

4.	a fact or circumstance bringing disgrace or regret: The bankruptcy of the business was a shame. It was a shame you couldn't come with us.

–verb (used with object)

5.	to cause to feel shame; make ashamed: His cowardice shamed him.

6.	to drive, force, etc., through shame: He shamed her into going.

7.	to cover with ignominy or reproach; disgrace.

—Idioms8.for shame! you should feel ashamed!: What a thing to say to your mother! For shame! put to shame,

a.	to cause to suffer shame or disgrace.

b.	to outdo; surpass: She played so well she put all the other tennis players to shame.

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Ibogaine Treatment Process

Treatment process


Ibogaine is administered by experienced MDs. Doctors are constantly present during the treatment, and they use heart monitors in order to ensure patient safety. The treatments are administered in a private gated community in Mexico, a few miles south of San Diego, California. The treatment duration is from Monday morning, when the patient is picked up at their hotel in San Diego, until Friday afternoon., when the patient is dropped off at the San Diego airport or another San Diego site of their choice.

“Decreased post withdrawal drug cravings…”

Clients are responsible for getting themselves to San Diego, and they take care of them from there. Included in the cost are food, lodging, all medications needed, and transportation to and from the airport or other San Diego destination. With valid photo ID (no passport needed for US citizens) there is absolutely no problem crossing the US-Mexico border in either direction. The border region is very safe, and has all the infrastructure and amenities of the US.

One of the most important aspects in the success of the ibogaine treatment and in long-term abstinence is the patient’s willingness to change from present addictive and destructive behaviors, and to work on him or herself with a positive attitude. Patients need to be aware that although ibogaine facilitates the detoxification process, greatly diminishing withdrawal symptoms, there are sometimes residual withdrawal symptoms. These symptoms are managed with medication at the facility, and some patients with heavy prolonged addiction may need small additional doses of ibogaine. This treatment method is the most humane and effective way currently available for opiate, stimulate, and non-physiologically dependent alcohol addictions.

Stay tuned for Part 3 of 3.
Not all patients are good candidates for ibogaine therapy. Contact them to see if you are eligible for treatment.

Cell: (213)505-5992
Landline: 022-52-664-609-4338
skype: (213)985-1859

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7. Layout Marketing
8. Internet Lifestyle

The enemy pours into my mouth

My world leans on me
I sag with the world around it
As seems to droop
Using alcohol as a torchlight
Procession marching down my throat

What is less helpful as a way out of difficulty?
It fastens and perpetuates my trouble
Which occasioned it,
And increases evil of the situation.

At all costs, then, I ought to reduce the sway of my mood
I scout it within myself and others
And never show its tolerance.

Happiness is yet to be found
When this world around mixes misery sounds

The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful
Its mean and ugly
What can be more base and unworthy than the mumping mood

My drunkenness is a temporary suicide
Drinking into nothing but voluntary madness
Living in my world desiring sobriety
This alcoholism is scandalous
Taking me out of society
Then out of the world I live in

The sway of alcohol lies over me
Due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties
One drink to many
A thousand is never enough

The enemy pours into my mouth
Steels my brain
Transforms myself into a beast

Bottomless pit such influence to terrorizing
Allowing my thirst to think
Never filling that psychological gap
A sudden violent jolt

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4. When life become a book
5. Read Between the Lines
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